Attacks from Something Called Panic

Wow, I'm not getting very lucky on weather here. For the past few weeks it has been raining, sleet, and even windy at some times. I haven't gone down to the barn since Sunday; and I hope the weather will clear up soon. Although, even if I go down there I am not too keen on riding. I am almost too afraid to ride now. I can't risk myself getting hurt again or if I fall again and make my head worse just as it is getting better. I don't want Ava's progress to suffer just because of me, she doesn't deserve it; but I bet she doesn't mind either. I'm really fine without riding though, I am just as happy to lunge her a bit, hang in her pasture, go on walks, and just take care of her; but the pressure from my barn, actually from my BO makes me feel guilty for not riding her. My BO just doesn't understand those kinds of things and basically just wants you to suck it up and ride the crap out of your horse... Ugh, so much on my mind...

I feel different after falling off Ava... Not myself; or at least not 100%. I have also been starting to have panic attacks too; before I fell I can't recall the last time I had one, if any. They are really nerve racking and make me not want to sleep anymore (which sucks because I already have a lot of trouble falling asleep). So, I am starting to work on getting through them; but sometimes they sneak up on you, which is really creepy.

In other news, school is almost over for the semester! I will be so glad to be done with these classes, I liked them but I really can't wait for a long break. I also registered for the Spring semester too, I'll only be taking Film & Literature and Yoga, both go for my core classes and will be fun! I'm really starting to like creative writing and just English in general; a possible major?!? We may see!